 20 Reasons Why You Can't Keep a Date
Are You Tired of First Dates Turning Into Last Dates?
Here's Why They Don't Call You Back
- Do you know how to be just friends?
Most people use dating as a chance to get to know each other. They spend time hanging out, sharing each other’s interests, doing each other little favors, admiring their accomplishments, planning activities together: All this builds a strong friendship. The time comes when you know you can rely on each other, when you reach the stage of warm and caring friendship and when you value the time spent together. Then you’re ready to take the relationship to the next level.
- Do you expect too much of a date?
This person is as uncertain as you are. Your date is holding back to take the next step until you know each other better. Of course, the date is afraid of rejection, as we all are. Maybe the dates thinks you’re out of their league. Perhaps the date needs more encouragement to take the first step. You’ll never know, if you don’t give them a chance to know you better.
- Do you know what you really want in a partner?
It’s time to be selective about your perfect match. Make a list of all the important beliefs, lifestyle and aspirations you would like your match to have. Spirituality, children, job, money, ethics, background, family, interests, appearance, attentiveness and personality are all important. Don’t go crazy over a “bad boy” or a "bad girl" and then expect him or her to go to church with you every Sunday.
- Do you take care of yourself?
Even in this new millennium, everyone wants someone to look after them. If you neglect yourself, can they expect you to look after them? Remember your health, your happiness and your life agenda are important. Build a cocoon of comfort and safety in your life, where there’s room for the right person. Value yourself, and others will value you, too.
- Do you talk too much on a date?
Maybe you could run circles around the fast-talking auctioneer in the television commercial. Many people don’t realize how shallow and boring their gossip seems to a date. You probably started repeating yourself after the first hour of conversation, and you’re getting boring, too. Take your turn listening to others. You are likely to learn a great deal. Keep your cell phone turned off, so you can practice being quiet. Let yourself be calm and still. It will attract people to you. The gentle art of listening will make you a better date.
- Do you give it up too easily?
It's possible that the people who are drawn to you are not looking for a relationship that lasts beyond tonight. No matter how terrific they are or how enamored you are, with these players old habits die hard. The two of you have no basis for an enduring relationship, and they are already looking for the next lay.
- Are you good-looking?
You probably aren’t movie star material, because few of us are. And it’s likely you don’t have perfect teeth, skin or hair, because most of us don’t. But are you well-groomed? That’s something that’s under your control. Are you nicely dressed, and do you smell good? Your warm, inviting smile immediately moves you two points closer to a 10. Your personality, your confidence and your ability to make them feel good about themselves will go a long way to creating the aura of beauty.
- Do you trust your date?
It’s good to steer away from dates when your instincts tell you they can’t be trusted. But if it’s you yourself who has a fear of intimacy, who’s reluctant to put your trust in any person, then it’s time to rebuild your inner confidence before you reach out for a relationship.
- Do you want what you can’t have?
Maybe your ideal date is a movie star look-alike with styled hair, designer suits and a luxury car. Do you have your heart set on a number 10, no matter what’s underneath the window dressing? Because your mind is made up, you reject everyone else. Consider modifying your expectations. Dates who aren’t flashy or well-off can be dates who are capable of love and caring.
- Do you change your mind all the time?
Are you indecisive about dating? Look deep into your heart for your best intentions. Be less impulsive about dating. Set a goal and stick to it. The next person who comes along might not work out, but the person standing right in front of you could be your heart’s desire.
- Are you bringing anything to the table?
Perhaps your life is nothing to brag about. You haven’t built your own world of career, skills, friends and hobbies. You need to carve out a place for yourself in the real world, so that you are more desirable as a date. Do you have somewhere to live on your own, a job, a circle of friends, a car? Are you self-sufficient?
- Do you cheat and lie?
They've caught you lying about your past, your job, and what you did last night. Your date is thinking, “If you lie now when I barely know you, what else will I find out about you if I look harder?” Clean up your act and you won’t be trapped into lies. Are you faithful? Being true to your friends, and honest in your dating relationship will keep a date around longer. If you’re running around behind their back, bad-mouthing them to your friends, betraying the other people you date, why would they want to date you? Your reputation is leaving a bad taste in everyone’s mouth.
- Do you have strong spiritual values?
Even if your dates don’t care a fig about religion, they want to hang with a person who is better than the rest. Your ethics, your sense of right and wrong, your belief in justice and your values are the measure of who you are. Your date is paying attention.
- Do you have kids?
It’s possible that you expect your date to love your children from the get-go, even though you are practically strangers. If your dating goal is to find a father or mother for your children, you will alienate many people. Can you separate your life from the children? Can you make time for another adult and time for grown-up activities? Develop interests for yourself other than the children, so that a date can meet the person you are, rather than the parent.
- Do you work too much?
Do you even have time to date? Have the demands of your job poisoned your private life? Do you bring your cell phone, your pager, your Blackberry, your office agenda to the dating scene? Can you go the entire evening without checking your email? Is your mind cluttered with to-do lists? Is your conversation centered on what the boss said, what your co-workers did and how your work played out? Make room for dating in your life by compartmentalizing your interests. Keep one box for your take-charge job, and a separate box for your fun-filled personal life. When you date, give yourself fully to the moment.
- Do you have a bad attitude?
Do you think that everyone is out to get you? Do you dislike the people in your life? Do you put the blame on other people? Does everything always going wrong? Are you the pessimist who expects the worst of everyone? Do you criticize your friends and your enemies? Is your language vulgar? If you could listen to your thoughts for an hour, would you like yourself? No! Well, your date doesn’t like it either. Your attitude is a real downer, and no date enjoys that. Take the high road instead. Practice "positivity," the art of looking at the bright side of life. Give your issues a rest. Find the good in people whenever you can. Don't let your bad attitude spoils the date. No date want to be part of a negative world.
- Do you talk about your ex too much?
Perhaps you have unresolved issues with your ex. News flash, folks! It’s never going to get better until you get over it. You ex moved on and you should, too. Bury the hatchet. Let bygones be bygones. As a first step, resolve not to talk or think about your ex for an hour. That will be a pretty peaceful hour, won’t it? You’ve been wronged, or maybe you wronged each other, but get rid of that baggage. Put all your resentment, blame and hurt into a paper bag and then burn the bag in the fireplace. There’s a bright new world full of romance waiting for you when you’re ready to move forward.
- Do you come across as desperate?
If you’ve been disappointed in the dating game, are you convinced there is something inherently unlovable about you? Do you say things like: "Who would want me anyway? I'm sure I'm going to wind up alone." If you think you can’t get a date, it won’t happen. Revise your self-talk by telling yourself, “I’m such a cool, happy person that I’m bound to find love.” Which, by the way, is really the truth.
- Do you keep bringing up the M word?
Our biology drives us to create monogamous relationships for the purpose of reproduction. Mother Nature wants to see the next generation of the human species. But our mindset can overturn our biology. The person you met yesterday doesn’t want to hear about marriage and children. After you have one drink together, you ask your dates how many kids they want. Your date probably wants to talk about the current activities, not nuptials. The ticking of your biological clock might be too noisy for your date.
- Are you are too good for your date?
Well, of course you are! It happens all the time. Enthusiastic, loving, intelligent person meets slacker loser. But don’t judge your dates at first sight. Consider for a moment that their good qualities might be quite different from yours. They might bring to the relationship the very things you yourself lack. With these attributes, your date could be your perfect complement, the piece that completes the jigsaw puzzle. By making snap judgments, you’ll miss out on the best life has to offer, a true abiding romance with your soul mate.
I hope life brings you much success. I wish you a very happy day.
----- Surfer Sam
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