 20 Reasons Why You Can't Keep a Man
Are You Tired of First Dates Turning Into Last Dates?
Here's Why He Doesn't Call You Back
20 Reasons Why You Can't keep a Man
Dating, Relationships and Love for Adult Singles
- Do you know how to be just friends?
Most people use dating as a chance to get to know each other. They spend time hanging out, sharing each other’s interests, doing him little favors, admiring his accomplishments, planning activities together: All this builds a strong friendship. The time comes when you know you can rely on each other, when you reach the stage of warm and caring friendship and when you value the time spent together. Then you’re ready to take the relationship to the next level.
- Do you expect too much of him?
This man is as uncertain as you are. He’s holding back to take the next step until he knows you better. Of course, he is afraid of rejection, as we all are. Maybe he thinks you’re out of his league. Perhaps he needs more encouragement to take the first step. You’ll never know, if you don’t give him a chance to know you better.
- Do you know what you really want in a man?
It’s time to be selective about your perfect man. Make a list of all the important beliefs, lifestyle and aspirations you would like your man to have. Spirituality, children, job, money, ethics, background, family, interests, appearance, attentiveness and personality are all important. Don’t go crazy over a “bad boy” and then expect him to go to church with you every Sunday.
- Do you take care of yourself?
Even in this new millennium, a man looks at the woman as the caretaker. He wants to be looked after. If you neglect yourself, can he expect you to look after him? Remember your health, your happiness and your life agenda are important. Build a cocoon of comfort and safety in your life, where there’s room for the right man. Value yourself, and others will value you, too.
- Do you talk too much?
Maybe you could run circles around the fast-talking auctioneer in the television commercial. Many women don’t realize how shallow and boring their gossip seems to a man. You probably started repeating yourself after the first hour of conversation, and you’re getting boring, too. Take your turn listening to others. You are likely to learn a great deal. Leave your cell phone turned off, so you can practice being quiet. Let yourself be calm and still. It will attract men to you. The gentle art of listening will make you a better date.
- Do you give it up too easily?
The men who are drawn to you are not looking for a relationship that lasts beyond tonight. No matter how terrific he is or how enamored you are, with these players old habits die hard. The two of you have no basis for an enduring relationship, and he is already looking for the next lay.
- Are you beautiful enough?
You probably aren’t cover girl material, because few of us are. And it’s likely you don’t have perfect teeth, skin or hair, because most of us don’t. But are you well-groomed? That’s something that’s under your control. Are you nicely dressed, and do you smell good? Your warm, inviting smile immediately moves you two points closer to a 10. Your personality, your confidence and your ability to make him feel good about himself will go a long way to creating the aura of beauty.
- Do you trust him?
It’s good to steer away from a man when your instincts tell you he can’t be trusted. But if it’s you yourself who has a fear of intimacy, who’s reluctant to put your trust in any man, then it’s time to rebuild your inner confidence before you reach out to a man.
- Do you want what you can’t have?
Maybe your ideal man is a movie star look-alike with styled hair, designer suits and a luxury car. Do you have your heart set on a number 10, no matter what’s underneath his window dressing? Because your mind is made up, you reject everyone else. Consider modifying your expectations. Guys who aren’t flashy or well-off can be guys who are capable of love and caring.
- Do you change your mind all the time?
Are you indecisive about dating? Look deep into your heart for your best intentions. Be less impulsive about dating. Set a goal and stick to it. The next man who comes along might not work out, but the man standing right in front of you could be your heart’s desire.
- Are you bringing anything to the table?
Perhaps your life is nothing to brag about. You haven’t built your own world of career, skills, friends and hobbies. You need to carve out a place for yourself in the real world, so that you are more desirable as a date. Do you have somewhere to live on your own, a job, a circle of friends, a car? Are you self-sufficient?
- Do you cheat and lie?
He’s caught you lying about your past, your job, and what you did last night. He’s thinking, “If she lies now when I barely know her, what else will I find out about her if I look harder?” Clean up your act and you won’t be trapped into lies. Are you faithful? Being true to your friends, and honest in your dating relationship will keep a man around longer. If you’re running around behind his back, badmouthing him to your friends, betraying the other men you date, why would he want to date you? Your reputation is leaving a bad taste in everyone’s mouth.
- Do you have strong spiritual values?
Even if he doesn’t care a fig about religion, he wants to hang with a woman who is better than he is. Your ethics, your sense of right and wrong, your belief in justice and your values are the measure of who you are. He is paying attention.
- Do you have kids?
It’s possible that you expect your date to love your children from the get-go, even though he barely knows them. If your dating goal is to find a father for your children, you will alienate many men. Can you separate your life from the children? Can you make time for a man and his activities? Develop interests for yourself other than the children, so that a man can meet the woman you are, rather than the mother.
- Do you work too much?
Do you even have time to date? Have the demands of your job poisoned your private life? Do you bring your cell phone, your pager, your Blackberry, your office agenda to the dating scene? Can you go the entire evening without checking your email? Is your mind cluttered with to-do lists? Is your conversation centered on what the boss said, what your co-workers did and how your work played out? Make room for dating in your life by compartmentalizing your interests. Keep one box for your take-charge job, and a separate box for your fun-filled personal life. When you date, give yourself fully to the moment.
- Do you have a bad attitude?
Do you think that everyone is out to get you? Do you dislike the people in your life? Do you put the blame on other people? Does everything always going wrong? Are you the pessimist who expects the worst of everyone? Do you criticize your friends and your enemies? Is your language vulgar? If you could listen to your thoughts for an hour, would you like yourself? No! Well, he doesn’t like it either. Your attitude is a real downer, and no guy enjoys that. Take the high road instead. Practice "positivity," the art of looking at the bright side of life. Give your issues a rest. Find the good in people whenever you can. He thinks your bad attitude spoils the date. He doesn’t want to be part of your world.
- Do you talk about your ex too much?
Perhaps you have unresolved issues with your ex. News flash, sister! It’s never going to get better until you get over it. You ex moved on and you should, too. Bury the hatchet. Let bygones be bygones. As a first step, resolve not to talk or think about your ex for an hour. That will be a pretty peaceful hour, won’t it? You’ve been wronged, or maybe you wronged him, but get rid of that baggage. Put all you resentment, blame and hurt into a paper bag and then burn the bag in the fireplace. There’s a bright new world full of romance waiting for you when you’re ready to move forward.
- Do you come across as desperate?
If you’ve been disappointed in the dating game, are you convinced there is something inherently unlovable about you? Do you say things like: "Who would want me anyway? I'm sure I'm going to wind up alone." If you think you can’t get a date, it won’t happen. Revise your self-talk by telling yourself, “I’m such a cool, happy person that I’m bound to find love.” Which, by the way, is really the truth.
- Do you keep bringing up the M word?
Our biology drives us to create monogamous relationships for the purpose of reproduction. Mother Nature wants to see the next generation of the human species. But our mindset can overturn our biology. The man you met yesterday doesn’t want to hear about marriage and children. After he bought you one drink, you asked him how many kids he wants. He wants to talk about the Knicks game, not nuptials. The ticking of your biological clock might be too noisy for him.
- Are you are too good for him?
Well, of course you are! It happens all the time. Enthusiastic, loving, intelligent woman meets slacker man. But don’t judge him at first sight. Consider for a moment that his good qualities might be quite different from yours. He might bring to the date the very things you yourself lack. With these attributes, he could be your perfect complement, the piece that completes the jigsaw puzzle. By making snap judgments, you’ll miss out on the best life has to offer, a true abiding romance with your soul mate.
I hope life brings you much success. I wish you a very happy day.
----- Surfer Sam
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