Funny Fishing Jokes, Fish Stories, Jokes About Fish for Fishermen
Whether you go deep-sea fishing in a yacht for marlin, or surf fishing for bluefish, or troll for trout in the mountains, or cast off the dock for catfish, it's all good. My motto for life is: A bad day of fishing is better than a good day at work. And I wear a ball cap that says: Catch of the Day. So while you fish or cut bait, here are a few funny fishing jokes and fish stories that only a fisherman could love. Let's go for it, hook, line and sinker.
A fisherman,'twixt you and I
Will very seldom tell a lie---
Except when it is needed to
Describe the fish that left his view.
Here's to our fisherman bold,
Here's to the fish he CAUGHT,
Here's to the one that got away,
And here's to the one he BOUGHT.
Here's to the fish that I may catch,
So large that even I,
When talking of it afterward,
Will never need to lie.
Fishing is worth any amount of effort
and any amount of expense
to people who love it,
because in the end
you get such a large number of dreams per fish.
- Ian Frazier, The Fish's Eye
Honk if you Love Conch!
A couple goes on vacation
to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota.
The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn.
The wife likes to read.
One morning the husband returns after several
hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although she isn't familiar with the lake
the wife decides to take the boat.
She motors out a short distance,
anchors, and continues to read her book.
Along comes the game warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside and says,
"Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading my book," she replies, thinking
isn't that obvious?
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he
"But officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll
have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with
rape," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the
"That's true, but you do have all the
Funny Fish Hook Salesman
A young guy from Missouri moves to Florida and goes to a big
"everything under the roof department store" looking for a job.
The manager says " Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says " Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Missouri."
Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start
tomorrow. I"ll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did
you make today?" he asked.
The kid says "One."
The boss says, "Just one?!! Our sales people average 20 to 30 sales a
day! How much was the sale for?
The kid says, " $101,237.64"
The boss says, "$101,237.64? WHAT THE HECK DID YOU SELL?"
Kid says, " First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a
medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new
fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down
at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat. So we went down to
the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took
him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said, " A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold
him a BOAT AND A TRUCK??"
The kid says, " No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his
wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go
Funny Fishermen's Prayer
I pray that I
May live to fish
Until my dying day.
And when it comes to my last cast,
I then must humbly pray,
When in the Lord's great landing net
And peacefully asleep
That I be judged
BIG ENOUGH TO KEEP!
A Few Grunt Fish
Question: What do you call a fish with no eye?
- Question: If fish lived on land, which country would they live in?
- Man: Can I have a fly rod and reel for my son?
Fishing Shop Owner: Sorry sir we don't do trades.
- Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
- Why did the blonde go fishing with a magnet?
Because she heard there were Steelhead in the river.
- A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover when he came upon two locals pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope. "That's what I like to see," said the priest, "A man helping his fellow man."
As he was walking away, one local remarked to the other, "Well, he sure doesn't know the first thing about shark fishing."
- Dear old lady:"Pardon me, sailor, but do those tattoo marks wash off?"
Old salt: "Couldn't say, ma'am."
- Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
- What Do Fish Say When They Hit A Concrete Wall? Dam!
- A bad day of fishing is still better than a good day at work.
How Much Does a Fish Cost
Two fishermen travel 100 miles to try out a new fishing spot. They buy a variety of bait and lures and rent a boat. After a long day of fishing, the two fishermen return to the dock. The first fisherman pulls their only catch from the live well, a scrawny bass just legal size. He says, "Boy! This fish cost us about $75." The second fisherman says, "Well it's a good thing we didn't catch any more."
The Fishing is Dynamite
No one in this town could catch any fish except this one man. The game warden asked him how he did it. The man told the game warden that he would take him fishing the next day. Once they got to the middle of the lake the man took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the water. After the explosion fish started floating to the top of the water. The man took out a net and started picking up the fish. The game warden told him that this was illegal. The man took out another stick of dynamite and lit it. He then handed it to the game warden and said " are you going to fish or talk".
A man went fishing one day.
He looked over the side of his boat and saw a snake with a frog in its mouth.
Feeling sorry for the frog, he reached down, gently took the frog from the snake, and set the frog free.
But then he felt sorry for the snake. He looked around the boat, but he had no food.
All he had was a bottle of bourbon. So he opened the bottle and gave the snake a few shots.
The snake went off happy, the frog was happy, and the man was happy to have performed such good deeds.
He thought everything was great until about ten minutes passed and he heard something knock against the side of the boat. With stunned disbelief, the fisherman looked down and saw the snake was back with two frogs!
My Pet Fish
A man was stopped by a game warden in Northern Michigan recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?" the warden replied.
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."
"O.K. I've GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious now.
The man poured the fish in to the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said: "Well?"
"Well, What?" the man responded.
"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.
"Call who back?" the man asked.
"What fish?" the man asked.
Fishing with Dad
A father and son went fishing one summer day. While they were out in their boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "Dad, how does this boat float?"
The father replied, "Don't rightly know son."
A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, "Dad, how do fish breath underwater?"
Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know son."
A little later the boy asked his father, "Dad, why is the sky blue?"
Again, the father replied, "Don't rightly know son."
Finally, the boy asked his father, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"
The father replied, "Of course not, son. If you don't ask questions, you never learn nothin'."
Fishing Comes First
Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge. One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge. He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head. The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing.
The other guy says, "That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you."
The first guy responds, "Well, I guess it was the thing to do - after all, I was married to her for 40 years
The Fish Are Biting
There was a Kentucky redneck and an Ohio buckeye, fishing on their respective sides of the Ohio river. Just as soon as the redneck put his line in the water, he slung a fish onto the bank, and the buckeye was catching nothing, so he yelled across to the redneck, ''Buddy, I'd sure like to be on your side of the river!''
''Aight, tell ya whut, I'll shine my flashlight 'cross this river, and you can walk across this little beam of light!'' the redneck yelled back.
The buckeye replied, ''Hain't no way, buddy. I know you think I'm a fool! When I get halfway 'cross, you'll turn your flashlight off!''
The Fish Are Fighting
One day a man came home kinda late. His wife was a little peeved and asked him to explain. He said, "Well you see Honey I went fishing and thought I would just do a little bank fishing, got my gear out of the car and walked aways to the water. I threw my line in and oh boy I pulled in a big catfish. I then found out I forgot to bring my
fish basket. So I just threw the catfish in back of me under a tree. I baited up again and in a little while I caught one of thoes ole dogfishes. I didn't want to put it back in the water so I threw it under the tree too. I baited up again and sat there waiting for my next catch. All of a sudden I heard such a noise and when I looked that dogfish and that catfish were in a fight and that dogfish chased the catfish up that tree and I had to sit there all day before I caught a swordfish to saw that tree down to get my catfish.
Dinner of Fish and Chips
One day while driving home from his fishing trip in the pouring rain, a man got a flat tire outside of a monastery. A monk came out and invited the man inside to have dinner and to spend the night. The stranded motorist gladly accepted the monk's offer.
That evening the man had a wonderful dinner of fish and chips. He decided to compliment the chef.
Entering the kitchen, the man asked the cook, "Are you the fish friar?"
"No," the chef replied, "I'm the chip monk."
What a Fisherman Wouldn't Do for a Buddy
A couple of young guys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the game warden! Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods and hot on his heels came the game warden. After about a half mile, the guy stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the game warden finally caught up to him.
"Let's see yer fishin license, boy!" the warden gasped. With that, the guy pulled out his wallet and gave the game warden a valid fishing license.
"Well, son," said the Game Warden. "You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"
"Yes sir," replied the young feller. "But my friend back there, well, he don't have one..."
One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice said, "There are no fish down there."
He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said, :There's no fish down there."
He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there."
He looked up into the sky and asked, "God, is that you?"
"No, you idiot," the voice said, "it's the rink manager."
I hope life brings you much success.
I wish you a very happy day.
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