Funny Things Dads Say
Fathers Say The Darndest Things
Dad's always saying funny things. He doesn't even know how funny he is. He's always giving advice when we don't want it. He could have been a comedian if he wanted. But instead, he's waiting at home. Home. Home is the place where when you have to go there, they have to take you in.
Funny Things Dads Say
Look for it with your eyes, not your mouth.
You couldn't track an elephant in ten feet of snow.
You need your tongue scraped.
Ask your mother.
The best way to double your money is to fold it and stick it in your pocket.
You can't have a champagne budget with a beer income.
It's not how much money you make, it's how much money you save.
Try to imagine how little I care.
I knew a guy who got his head shot off and never said a word, so stop your complaining.
Don't save anything you don't understand.
Life gets better every day, if you let it.
Another Round of Funny Things Dads Say
The City of Happiness is in the State of Mind.
You're not late if you can hold your breath that long.
Don't worry about the mule going blind. You just hold the line.
Measure once, cut twice. Measure twice, cut once.
The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they're too strong to be broken.
Always carry your driver's license with you. It will make it easier for the police to identify your body.
Don't make me stop this car.
The car is not a playground.
Don't wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty, but the pig likes it better.
As long as your feet are under my supper table, you'll follow my rules.
No matter what happens, you can always come home.
If you drive up to our house, park in the driveway and honk the horn, you better be delivering a pizza because you won't be taking out my daughter.
Do you think I'm a millionaire?
Fair!? You want fair?? Fair's where you take the cows and hogs and get blue ribbons.
Only by iteration and reiteration can an alien concept be forced on a reluctant mind.
I'd rather thank you than spank you.
I'm not yelling at you. I'm helping you hear.
If you don't use your head, you might as well have feet at both ends.
You only go around once on the carousel of life. So, you might as well enjoy the ride.
God gave you two ears and two eyes and only one mouth. if you see and hear twice as much as you say, you'll learn something.
Do You Believe
All the Funny Things Dads Say
There's always a first time.
You're thinking from the neck down.
Life is eternal vigilance.
If you don't want people to push your buttons, don't stick them out.
Let the saw do the work.
Go wash your upper lip.
CAN'T died in the poorhouse.
You are a peach among pears.
Elope. It's cheaper.
Always vote first thing in the morning, because, if during the day you step off the curb and get hit by a car, your vote still counts.
Don't shake your head like there is nothing in it.
Your mother is right even when she is wrong.
Every word that falls from my lips is a pearl of perfect wisdom.
If I tell you a chicken can pull a railcar, then you better hook him up.
Funny Things Dads Say
Do You Remember These?
Do you want to end up like those people?
Have a good time and keep a lock on your zipper.
Poor planning and lack of forethought on your part do not constitute an emergency on my part.
Do what you're told or I'll make you walk down the river until your hat floats.
Just remember, you can always walk out.
Shut that door. Do you wanna heat the whole town?
Right to tight and left to loose.
How did my day go? It didn't go. I had to push it.
Who died and left you boss?
Go outside and get the stink blown off you.
I hate the word HATE.
Good night. I love you, and I'll see you in the morning.
Never speak ill of the Dad.
I hope life brings you much success.
I wish you a very happy day.
Return to the complete index of funny jokes.
Thanks for sharing! You make good things happen.
Simple, Easy, Free, How To Do It Articles - Health, Money,
Success, Investing, Business, Happiness,Technology, Music, Books, Biography,Celebrities
Simple Easy Free
Today's Funny Picture
7 Funny Thanksgiving Pictures, cats, dogs, turkeys, pilgrims, Indians and Big Bird
A Cute Christmas Story. You'll feel warm all over...
12 Places for Sightseeing in Paris. You're going to love Paris
About Us, up close and personal. We'll never grow up
All About a Good Cup of Coffee. We love this magic bean.
20 Vacation Spots in Washington, DC. Enjoy online sightseeing and pictures. -->
How to Stop Procrastinating. Five easy tools to get more done. Try it -->
Find the Best Travel Deals Online with Travel Aggregators comparison-shopping. Go for it -->
How to Buy a Diamond Ring. Save money on carat size, clarity,color and cut.
Football Jokes and Quotes Part 1. Great players and fans score some winning jokes.
How to Please a Man. It's funny but oh so true.
Travel Trivia Facts and Fun. Our humungous collection of fun travel trivia is waiting here for you.
Funny Joke of the Day. Funny jokes for funny blokes. You're gonna have a good time -->
Travel the Planet in Pictures Part 3. See the mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world.
Surfer Sam's Newsletter. How about blogs, Wiki, podcasting and RSS?
8 Best Vacation Spots in Alaska, the Last Frontier.
Free College Scholarships. How an average student can win a scholarship to pay for college.
Free Foreign Language Lessons You Can Learn Online. Check these out!
Famous couples in love set the stage for great romances. Which is like yours?
Doggone funny dog jokes and pictures, Part 1. Sparky is a funny dog with his own web page.
A Living Trust preserves wealth for your family by avoiding probate court. This can save you money.
My Vacation Hiking the Grand Canyon. Five friends, five days and a taste of Eden.
Should You Buy a Mutual Fund? 12 quick reasons why you'll like mutual funds!
Funny Fishing Jokes, Fish Stories and Jokes. We're pulling in laughs while you wait for the big one to bite.
How to invest in silver for profit.
What's Your Personality Type, easygoing, positive, creative, cautious, inspiring, loyal? Learn more about yourself.
The Internet Bubble. Free Funny Video Clip. My favorite mixes clever humor, parody and visuals
Famous Baseball Players and Their Teams, with pictures.
Andy Warhol and Pop Art. Celebrities and soup. In the future everyone will be famous for 15 minutes.
Grow a Herb Garden in a Pot, with pictures.
Funny Baseball Jokes and Quotes. Funny Nathan swings for the fences!
How to Ask for a Raise. Get the boss on your side.
Believe It Or Not Funny Travel Trivia Facts. Sam's humungous collection of fun travel trivia
Basic Accounting Made Easy for the Small Business. For people who want to succeed in business.
Play the Free Online Game Jewel Caper. Easy to play, but lots of fun.
The 10 Best Funny Cat Pictures. LOL cats with captions... Oh my!
Famous Painters of Impressionism. Their paintings created a revolution in Western art, a new way of seeing the world.