Goldie's Funny Short Jokes, Quotes, Funny Sayings, Funny One-Lines, Funny Slogans
Sock It To Me, Girl.

Here come these funny short jokes, funny sayings, funny one lines, funny slogans. Jokes, sayings, one-lines, and slogans like these appeared on the vintage television show, Rowan and Martin's Laugh In. Goldie was famous for them. The punch line after every joke was "Sock It to Me" and then all heck broke loose. Years from now, sociologists will study these jokes, sayings, funny lines, and slogans like cave art and wonder who we were. And they'll be laughing their heads off.

Here are humorous, funny, silly, sayings with attitude, the jokes that make Goldie laugh. They are the kind of funny jokes, funny slogans, and one-liners you can text to a friend. The humor is sandwiched between a slice of irony and silly.

Everyone has a photographic memory.
Some just don't have film.


He who laughs last thinks slowest.


A day without sunshine is like, well, night.


Change is inevitable,
except from a vending machine.


Back up my hard drive?
How do I put it in reverse?


I just got lost in thought.
It was unfamiliar territory.


When the chips are down,
the buffalo is empty.


Seen it all, done it all.
Can't remember most of it.


He who stands on toilet is high on pot.


Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.


I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.


Beauty is only a few beers away.


Save the whales. Collect the whole set.


Heart attacks ... God's revenge for eating his animal friends.


He's not dead. He's electroencephalographically challenged.


Everyday I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.


Karaoke bars, where people who shouldn't drink meet people who shouldn't sing.


I'm always late. In fact, my ancestors arrived on the "Juneflower."


If everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane!


You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.


I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.


Honk if you love peace and quiet.


Pardon my driving,
I'm reloading.


Despite the cost of living,
have you noticed how it remains so popular?


Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.


It is hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its burial costs and blame it on the higher cost of living.


Just remember... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.


The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.


It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.


You can't have everything.
Where would you put it?


Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world population.


If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.


The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.


Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.


Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.


The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.


A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.


It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.


Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.


I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.


I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it left.


When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.


Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

I hope life brings you much success.
I wish you a very happy day.

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