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Good And Scary Halloween Jokes and Stories
Have You Come for a Trick or for a Treat?

The jack-o-lantern should be the symbol for a politician; a head with nothing in it. - Milton Berle

Itís Halloween and I want you to know that I think youíre the sweetest nicest pumpkin in the whole patch.

Does one ever see any ghost that is not oneself? -Marjorie Bowen

"If you can't get rid of that skeleton in your closet, then you'd best teach it to dance." -George Bernard Shaw

On a child's superman costume, the tag said, "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".

The Spirits of Halloween Story

This happened in a little town in Northern Saskatchewan. Even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.

Harry was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark and stormy Halloween night. The night was getting darker and the rain came harder, and no cars went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly Harry saw a car come toward him and stop.

Without thinking about it, Harry got in the car and closed the door. Just as he realized there was nobody behind the wheel, the car started to move. As his panic set in, he looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way. Scared beyond belief, he started to pray, begging for his life. Just when the car got to the curve, and Harry thought it was all over, a hand appeared through the window and moved the wheel.

Harry was paralyzed in terror as he watched the hand appear every time the car got to a curve.

Gathering strength, Harry jumped out of the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he went to a bar and asked for two shots of rye. He started telling everyone about the horrible experience he went through. The crowd sat in an eerie silence when they realized that Harry was crying and wasn't drunk.

About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same cantina. One said to the other, "Look Pete, there's the jerk that got in the car when we were pushing it."        

The Halloween Masked Ball Story

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife, Joanne, came down with a terrible headache and told her husband Frank to go to the party alone. Frank, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So Frank took his costume and away he went.

After sleeping soundly for an hour, Joanne awakened and realized that her headache was gone. It was still early, so she decided to go to the party. Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he behaved when she was not with him.

Joanne joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him. Seeing her as a rather seductive new babe, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to Joanne.

She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little romantic interlude.

Just before the unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home. Joanne put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in. Joanne asked him what kind of a time he had.

He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."

Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys. We went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you... the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!"        

Story of the Graveyard Ghouls

Two people were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"        

The tradition of bobbing for APPLES on Halloween may have originated with an ancient Roman autumn festival honoring Pomona, the goddess of fruits.

Kannazuki, which is the month without gods, is another name for October in Japan. According to Shinto legend, the gods withdraw to the shrine of Izumo during this month to decide the fate of mankind for the coming year.

Native American tribes in the northern and eastern United States historically marked the seasons by naming each full moon of the year. The full moon that falls in November is known as the beaver moon.

In medieval England, commoners were forbidden to cut down trees for fuel. They could only search for wood knocked down by storms. Finding a fallen tree, or a windfall, was a great stroke of luck.

A Gaggle of Ghostly Gags and Halloween Jokes

Q: What do you call it when a ghost gets hurt?
A: A boo-boo.

Q: When does a ghost need a license?
A: During Haunting Season.

Q: How can you tell if a ghost is flat?
A: Use a spirit level!

Q: Why are ghosts such poor magicians?
A: You can see right through their tricks!

Q: Where does vampires keep their savings?
A: In the blood bank!

Q: What's a ghost's favourite airline?
A: British Scareways!

Q: What kind of ghosts do they have in hospital?
A: Surgical Spirits!

Q: Who speaks on behalf of the Ghosts Union?
A: Their Spooksperson!

Q: What's a ghost's favorite food?
A: I-Scream!

Q: Did you hear about the lovesick vampire?
A: He became a Neck-romancer!

Q: What do you call a ghost who haunts the town hall?
A: A night mayor!     (nightmare)

Have you come for a treat or for a trick?
Halloween jokes and stories! Yet another creature of the night approaches. Welcome to my web site, my little victim. There's something spooky out tonight and I think it's you. Halloween just brings out the ghoul in me.

Itís Halloween and I want you to know that I think youíre the sweetest, nicest pumpkin in the whole patch.        

I hope life brings you much success.
I wish you a very happy day.

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