|
 Insurance Companies Hear the Best Jokes
Funny Drivers, Car Accidents, Insurance Claims
Accident reports from a few drivers who really shouldn't be on the road. Funny drivers have funny accidents. And insurance companies hear the best stories. The accident claim is shaky but the best payoff is a really good laugh. There's no insurance against dumb. Happy trails y'all. ~ Sasha
Reasons for the Car Accident, as Reported to the Insurance Company
I misjudged a lady crossing the street.
Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
I heard a horn blow and was struck in the back. A lady was evidently trying to pass me.
I thought my window was down, but found it was up when I put my hand through it.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.
The truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind himself, the accident would not have happened.
As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision.
In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
I did not see the other car.
I had been driving my car for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
I was on my way to the doctor's with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.
My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, I found that I had a skull fracture.
I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
The pedestrian had no idea which way to go, so I ran over him.
The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was atttenpting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end.
I was unable to stop in time, and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
Did you hear about the lawyer hurt in an accident?
An ambulance backed up suddenly.
The Insurance Attorney is No Match
For a Redneck Driver
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to school for it.
Q: What gear were you in at moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
that I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue
lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
I hope life brings you much success.
I wish you a very happy day.
Please Return to the Top >>
Return to the complete index of funny jokes.
Share this page with someone, by Email, Twitter, Digg, StumbleUpon, and your favorite social site
 When Can I Collect Social Security Benefits? Know what you're entitled to. Were you born before or after 1960? You can retire at the normal age, early or later. See what Social Security will pay you. Easy, how to do it. here -->
 How Much Does It Cost to Buy a Franchise Business. Check out this list of costs for a major franchise like McDonald's, Subway, Great Clips, H&R Block, Hampton Inns, 7-Eleven, Dunkin Donuts. Easy, how to do it. here -->
 8 Places You Can Get Free Legal Music Downloads. It's easy and legal for your iPod or MP3 player. Famous artists, great songs, new singers, pop, rock, country, hip-hop, classical. here -->
 Should I Rollover My 401k Retirement Account. Easy, step by step, how to do it. There are many advantages when you rollover your 401k into an IRA. Get started here -->
 12 Ways to Save Money on Car Insurance. Easy, step by step, how to do it. Put the cash back in your pocket, now and every year. Don't pay more for car insurance than you have to. here -->
 How to Back Up Your Computer. Easy, step by step, how to do it. 8 ways to back up, depending on how many files you have. An ounce of prevention saves your music, photos, documents and videos, before it's too late. Start --> here
 How to Buy Stocks Online. Easy, step by step, how to do it. Choose a stockbroker. Know what type of account to request. You don't need much money to get started here -->
 3-Day Detox Diet Plan for weight loss that works. A diet to cleanse your body and refresh your mind. It's healthy and easy to follow. Nothing to buy. It's Here -->
 What Kind of Small Business Should I Start? 17 ideas for a new small business. These ideas require little capital, no prior experience and are easy to start. Opportunity is knocking --> Here
 Should I Refinance My Home Mortgage. How much does it cost? You can save money and lower your monthly payments when you refinance. Do it like this --> Continue
 How to invest in silver. What you absolutely must know about silver so you can make money in silver. What is the attraction of silver investments in these uncertain times? Continue
 Is an Annuity Insurance Retirement Plan best for you? Are you worried that you will outlive your money, or lose your savings in the stock market? Annuities guarantee that you won't outlive your money, even when you reach 100 years old. Continue
 Famous Modern Architects and Their Work. Modern architecture uses unusual new materials and computer design to create original works of art. These buildings are free form, fun and inspiring. With pictures Continue
 How to Get More Work Done in Less Time. 20 tips for the job, work, office and home to get more hours in your day. Do you feel that you have too much to do and not enough time to do it in? Accomplish more at work, while you simplify your life.
It's here
 57 New Businesses You Can Start With No Money Most people don't know about these ideas. Products and services and tips to start a successful business. Begin small, out of your home, and start earning quickly. Continue
 Start a New Small Business. Best new business start-up ideas, planning and opportunities. The secret of a successful start-up is...
Continue
 Should I Buy an Index Fund? Good advice about Investing in stock index funds. How much money will you make? You can buy 500 companies for $100 with an Index Fund. Investing in Index Funds is still the best choice.Continue
 The Best Cell Phone Plan and the Best Cell Phone Service. New features, costs and benefits, plus the new smart phones. Change is in the air.
Continue
 Free Money for College. Claim your college cash. Free scholarships, free financial aid, and free grants. You don't have to be a straight A student to get a scholarship.
Continue
 How You Can Get Customers Using Free Social Networks, like Twitter, Facebook and YouTube. See the success stories of well-known businesses, and then use them yourself. Continue
 How to Sell Like a Champion Secrets of Champion Sales People. 45 Tips for Successful Selling. Prospecting, contacting, the sales presentation, closing the sale. Continue
 Ten Sights to See in Washington D.C.. Washington, D.C., our nation's capital, is a cosmopolitan city rich in history. Its many museums, government buildings, monuments and zoo make it a popular destination for tourists. Continue
 How to Pay for College. Smart ways to plan and pay for your college education without going broke. Ease the tuition squeeze.
Continue
 Sales Jokes and Advertising Jokes. It's all funny business when Sam is in the room. How to sell just about anything. Continue
 ETFs, Exchange Traded Funds, are a Great Investment Strategy They trade like stocks and keep pace with the famous stock indexes. How soon before ETFs replace mutual funds? Continue
|
|
The Magazine
Blogs, Podcasting
