Insurance Companies Hear the Best Jokes
Funny Drivers, Car Accidents, Insurance Claims
Accident reports from a few drivers who really shouldn't be on the road. Funny drivers have funny accidents. And insurance companies hear the best stories. The accident claim is shaky but the best payoff is a really good laugh. There's no insurance against dumb. Happy trails y'all. ~ Sasha
Reasons for the Car Accident, as Reported to the Insurance Company
I misjudged a lady crossing the street.
Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
I heard a horn blow and was struck in the back. A lady was evidently trying to pass me.
I thought my window was down, but found it was up when I put my hand through it.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.
The truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind himself, the accident would not have happened.
As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision.
In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
I did not see the other car.
I had been driving my car for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
I was on my way to the doctor's with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.
My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, I found that I had a skull fracture.
I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
The pedestrian had no idea which way to go, so I ran over him.
The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was atttenpting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end.
I was unable to stop in time, and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
Did you hear about the lawyer hurt in an accident?
An ambulance backed up suddenly.
The Insurance Attorney is No Match
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
For a Redneck Driver
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to school for it.
Q: What gear were you in at moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
that I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Q: She had three children, right?
Q: How many were boys?
Q: Were there any girls?
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
I hope life brings you much success.
I wish you a very happy day.
Return to the complete index of funny jokes.
Thanks for sharing! You make good things happen.
Simple, Easy, Free, How To Do It Articles - Health, Money,
Success, Investing, Business, Happiness,Technology, Music, Books, Biography,Celebrities
Simple Easy Free
Here's Our Ghoulish Collection of Funny Halloween Pictures -->
Funny Halloween Stories Booo-->
Free Funny Halloween Ecards to Send -->
20 Vacation Spots in Washington, DC. Enjoy online sightseeing and pictures. -->
How to Stop Procrastinating. Five easy tools to get more done. Try it -->
Find the Best Travel Deals Online with Travel Aggregators comparison-shopping. Go for it -->
How to Buy a Diamond Ring. Save money on carat size, clarity,color and cut.
Football Jokes and Quotes Part 1. Great players and fans score some winning jokes.
How to Please a Man. It's funny but oh so true.
Travel Trivia Facts and Fun. Our humungous collection of fun travel trivia is waiting here for you.
Funny Joke of the Day. Funny jokes for funny blokes. You're gonna have a good time -->
Travel the Planet in Pictures Part 3. See the mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world.
Surfer Sam's Newsletter. How about blogs, Wiki, podcasting and RSS?
8 Best Vacation Spots in Alaska, the Last Frontier.
Free College Scholarships. How an average student can win a scholarship to pay for college.
Free Foreign Language Lessons You Can Learn Online. Check these out!
Famous couples in love set the stage for great romances. Which is like yours?
Doggone funny dog jokes and pictures, Part 1. Sparky is a funny dog with his own web page.
A Living Trust preserves wealth for your family by avoiding probate court. This can save you money.
My Vacation Hiking the Grand Canyon. Five friends, five days and a taste of Eden.
Should You Buy a Mutual Fund? 12 quick reasons why you'll like mutual funds!
Funny Fishing Jokes, Fish Stories and Jokes. We're pulling in laughs while you wait for the big one to bite.
How to invest in silver for profit.
What's Your Personality Type, easygoing, positive, creative, cautious, inspiring, loyal? Learn more about yourself.
The Internet Bubble. Free Funny Video Clip. My favorite mixes clever humor, parody and visuals
Famous Baseball Players and Their Teams, with pictures.
Andy Warhol and Pop Art. Celebrities and soup. In the future everyone will be famous for 15 minutes.
Grow a Herb Garden in a Pot, with pictures.
Funny Baseball Jokes and Quotes. Funny Nathan swings for the fences!
How to Ask for a Raise. Get the boss on your side.
Believe It Or Not Funny Travel Trivia Facts. Sam's humungous collection of fun travel trivia
Basic Accounting Made Easy for the Small Business. For people who want to succeed in business.
Play the Free Online Game Jewel Caper. Easy to play, but lots of fun.
The 10 Best Funny Cat Pictures. LOL cats with captions... Oh my!
All About a Good Cup of Coffee, hot, freshly brewed coffee. We love this magic bean.
Famous Painters of Impressionism. Their paintings created a revolution in Western art, a new way of seeing the world.