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funny insurance jokes

Insurance Companies Hear the Best Jokes
Funny Drivers, Car Accidents, Insurance Claims



Accident reports from a few drivers who really shouldn't be on the road. Funny drivers have funny accidents. And insurance companies hear the best stories. The accident claim is shaky but the best payoff is a really good laugh. There's no insurance against dumb. Happy trails y'all.     ~ Sasha

funny insurance jokesReasons for the Car Accident, as Reported to the Insurance Company

I misjudged a lady crossing the street.

Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.

I heard a horn blow and was struck in the back. A lady was evidently trying to pass me.

I thought my window was down, but found it was up when I put my hand through it.

I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.

The truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind himself, the accident would not have happened.

As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision.

In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

I did not see the other car.

I had been driving my car for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

I was on my way to the doctor's with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.

My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.

I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, I found that I had a skull fracture.

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

The pedestrian had no idea which way to go, so I ran over him.

The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was atttenpting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end.

I was unable to stop in time, and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.

Did you hear about the lawyer hurt in an accident?
An ambulance backed up suddenly.

funny insurance jokesThe Insurance Attorney is No Match
For a Redneck Driver

Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.



Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to school for it.



Q: What gear were you in at moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.



Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice that I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.



Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.



Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.



Q: All your responses must be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?
A: Oral.



Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.



Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?



Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?



Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?

I hope life brings you much success.
I wish you a very happy day.

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