Kids Say the Darndest Things
Cute Kids with funny Jokes and Stories !!
1. When the driver stopped the school bus to pick up Chris for preschool, she noticed
an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your
grandmother?" she asked. "Yes, "Chris said. "She's come to visit us." "How nice," I said. "Where does she live?" "At the airport." Chris replied. "Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her."
2. When the mother returned from the grocery store, her small daughter
pulled out the box of animal crackers she had begged for. Then she
spread the animal-shaped crackers all over the kitchen counter. "What are you doing?" her Mom asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the girl explained. "I'm looking for the seal."
3. This little grandmother was surprised by her 7-year-old grandson
one morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup
of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said, "Honey, what are these army men doing in my coffee?" Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on TV 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!'"
4. In the supermarket, a man was pushing a cart that contained a
screaming, bellowing baby. The gentleman kept repeating softly,
"Don't get excited, Albert. Don't scream, Albert. Don't yell, Albert. Keep calm, Albert." A woman standing next to him said, "You certainly are to be commended
for trying to soothe your son Albert."
The man looked at her and said, "Lady, I'm Albert."
5. A three-year-old girl went with her dad to see a new litter of
kittens. On returning home, she breathlessly informed her mother,
"There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens."
"How did you know that?" her mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," she replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."
6. While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon
rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of
old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she
merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe
7. My neighbor told me this. His five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin in the yard. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they got a small box with cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready
for the disposal of the deceased. The five-year-old was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he had learned in Church. He said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather. And unto the Soonnn.......and into the hole he gooooes."
8. A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm
just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't
write, and they won't let me talk!"
9. The children in Sunday school class were being taught the concept of getting to heaven.
Teacher asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?"
"NO!" the children answered.
Teacher asked them, "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat
and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, the answer was, "NO!"
Teacher smiled. "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked them again.
Again, they all answered, "NO!"
The teacher was just bursting with pride for them. "Well," she continued, "Then how can I get into Heaven?"
A five-year-old girl shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."
10. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room while I was dressing. She said, 'Mommy, you are looking fat!' I replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.' 'I know,' she replied, but what's growing in your butt?'
11. CHILDREN TELL US THE FACTS OF LIFE
- Mary Anne: No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
- Keesha: When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her
brush your hair.
- Ryan: If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They
always catch the second person.
- Michael: Never ask your three-year-old brother to hold a tomato.
- Allison: You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
- Cody: Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
- Sylvia: Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
- Jonathan: You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
- Allison: Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
- Steve: The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
I hope life brings you much success.
I wish you a very happy day.
Return to the complete index of funny jokes.