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Funny Things My Mother Said
Funny Things My Mother Taught Me
Every Day is Mother's Day
G Good, better, best. Never let it rest, until your good is better and your better is best.
Y You can be everything you want. But you can't be rude. Rude is weak.
A Always wear clean underwear in case you get into an accident.
I If you can't be good, be careful.
J Just wait until your father gets home!
T The house is not gymnasium.
E Eat your food. Children are starving in China.
I If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
T There's a lid for every pot.
V Variety is the spice of life, and I like mine well seasoned.
Y You just don't marry the man, you marry the family.
I It's OK to look back. Just don't stare.
D Don't make me come in there.
WWhen I was your age...
A Am I talking to a brick wall?
D Don't run in the house.
L Life isn't fair.
A As long as you live under my roof...
Y You can always quit tomorrow.
Y You just don't believe that fat meat is greasy.
Y You don't believe a brown cow gives white milk.
P Partners in their places and straighten up their faces.
T Too thick doesn't stick.
I If you fall and break your neck, I'll spank you on top of it!
I If you don't stop hitting your brother, I am going to rip your arm off and beat you with the bloody stump.
W Where have you been? I thought you were lying in a ditch somewhere.
I If you hang long enough, you begin to like it.
B Before we say anything negative about anyone we should always stop to ask ourselves three questions: 1. Is it true? 2. Is it kind? and 3. Is it necessary?
Y You learn nothing when you only talk about yourself.
F Focus on what you do have, not on what you don't.
T Time wounds all heels.
W Wash your face before you leave the house or the gypsies will hypnotize you.
I I'm going to move so far away it will take $20 to mail a postcard.
Y You are in my Monarchy so you have to follow my rules.
I If it was a snake, it would bite you.
K Keep your panties up and your skirt down.
H Have dogs, not kids.
N No sex in high school, no babies in college.
M Mind your Ps and Qs.
A Are you trying to teach your mother how to milk ducks?
W We grow too soon old and too late smart.
S Spit in your shoe and watch it dry through.
I If we all had the same taste, we would never find our car in the parking lot.
N Never putt a dirty golf ball. Clean ones roll true.
Y You don't want to clean the mess? Then don't make the mess!
T Tell the truth and shame the devil.
I I don't control the weather! Get that through your head and you'll be a luckier guy.
Y You have been in my thoughts all day, and I pray you will find the strength we all see in you.
Y You have such a pretty face; pull your hair back!
D Dress for the weather, not for the crowd.
Y You cannot go out looking like that! What is someone who knows me who knows you that you don't know sees you?
I If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.
A A man who puts his hand on a woman is not a man.
A Always iron the handkerchiefs last.
C Cain't never could do nothing.
C Can do. Make do. No do.
W Without hope and hard work, there can be no results.
P People don't care what your house looks like as long as you welcome them with a hug.
R Remember who you are, what you are and where you came from!
S Stay young as long as you can, because you will be old the rest of your life.
I If you sass your parents, your tongue will stick out of the grave.
W Where the head goes, the body will follow.
T This place is like a Polish cathedral.
Y You never know what happened to them before you saw them.
T The best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your own arm.
A A gift is never truly yours until you thank someone properly for it.
F Follow the ideals, not the person. people may disappoint you, but the ideals will always stand fast.
T Twenty years from now, who will know the difference?
S Sweet dreams. Sleep tight. I love you. Nighty night.
Funny Things My Mother Taught Me
Every Day is Mother's Day
My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...
"Just wait until your father gets home."
My Mother taught me about RECEIVING...
"You are going to get it when we get home!"
My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE...
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you.. Don't talk back to me!"
My Mother taught me LOGIC...
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE...
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD...
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."
My Mother taught me ESP...
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"
My Mother taught me HUMOR...
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
My Mother taught me about GENETICS..
"You're just like your father."
My Mother taught me about my ROOTS...
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE...
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."
And my all time favorite - JUSTICE...
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you...Then you'll see what it's like."
I hope life brings you much success.
I wish you a very happy day.
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