Follow Sam
Simple, Easy, Free, How To Do It Articles
Surfer Sam Online + A Little Magazine
  Welcome, we're glad you're here. Life's a beach!
  HOME FUNNY PICTURES FUNNY STORIES FUNNY JOKES SELF LIFE SPORTS ECARDS GAMES HOROSCOPE
  WEB DESIGN ARTICLES BUSINESS HEALTH TRAVEL INVESTING COLLEGE BIOGRAPHY TECH FOOD MONEY

How to Change Your Car Oil
Funny Redneck Story



After twenty-four thousand miles, it's about time. Funny lessons from Randy Redneck. Oil change procedure for women is part 1, and the good ole Redneck way is part 2.

How to Change the Oil in Your Car
Part 1. For Women.

 
  • Pull in to the local service shop when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.
  •  
  • Drink a cup of coffee.
  •  
  • Fifteen minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
  •  

    Money spent:
    • $25.00 for oil change
    • $1.00 for coffee
    • Total = $26.00

    How To Change the Oil in Your Car
    Part 2, For Men, the Redneck Way

    1. Go to Bubba's auto parts and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, and a scented tree.
    2.  
    3. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to Bubba's to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
    4.  
    5. Open a beer and drink it.
    6.  
    7. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
    8.  
    9. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
    10.  
    11. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
    12.  
    13. Place drain pan under engine.
    14.  
    15. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
    16.  
    17. Give up and use crescent wrench.
    18.  
    19. Unscrew drain plug.
    20.  
    21. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
    22.  
    23. Clean up mess.
    24.  
    25. Have another beer while watching oil drain.
    26.  
    27. Look for oil filter wrench.
    28.  
    29. Give up. Poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
    30.  
    31. Drink one more beer.
    32.  
    33. Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
    34.  
    35. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
    36.  
    37. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
    38.  
    39. Beer? No, none left.
    40.  
    41. Walk to 7-11 to buy more beer.
    42.  
    43. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
    44.  
    45. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
    46.  
    47. Remember drain plug from step 11.
    48.  
    49. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
    50.  
    51. Discover that the drain plug was buried in the back yard with the used oil.
    52.  
    53. Drink another beer.
    54.  
    55. Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
    56.  
    57. Clean up the first quart of fresh oil that is now on the floor.
    58.  
    59. Drink another beer.
    60.  
    61. When tightening drain plug, the wrench slips and your knuckles bang on the frame.
    62.  
    63. Bang head on floor boards in reaction to step 31.
    64.  
    65. Begin cussing fit.
    66.  
    67. Throw wrench.
    68.  
    69. Cuss for an additional 10 minutes because the wrench hit Miss December and flawed her bustline.
    70.  
    71. Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood.
    72.  
    73. Drink another beer.
    74.  
    75. Drink another beer.
    76.  
    77. Dump in five quarts of fresh oil.
    78.  
    79. Drink another beer.
    80.  
    81. Lower car from jack stands.
    82.  
    83. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
    84.  
    85. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
    86.  
    87. One last beer.
    88.  
    89. Test drive car.
    90.  
    91. Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence.
    92.  
    93. Car gets impounded.
    94.  
    95. Make bail, get car from impound yard.
      Money spent:
    • $50.00 parts
    • $25.00 beer
    • $75.00 replace jack stand
    • $1,000.00 bail
    • $200.00 impound and towing fee
    • Total = $1,350.00  


    I hope life brings you much success. I wish you a very happy day.
    -----     Surfer Sam  


    Thanks for sharing!
    You make good things happen.
    Free and Easy
    How To Do It Articles - Health, Money,
    Success, Investing, Business, Happiness,Technology, Music, Books, Biography,Celebrities




      FRONT PAGE FUNNY PICTURES FUNNY STORIES FUNNY JOKES Q & A
    QUOTES VIDEOS MUSIC VIDEOS GUESTBOOK TAXES MILLION $ BLOGS