Doggone Funny Dog Jokes.
Sparky is a Funny Dog with His Own Web Page
Thanks for stopping in. Sparky will be so thrilled! Sparky's Page is dedicated to all the Search and Rescue Dogs, Police K-9's, Service Dogs, Working Dogs and all the sweet Furry Angels
lost and in need of love, shelter and humanity.
Houston, we have a problem.
Would you like to know a little about Sparky?
His favorite saying is: We are all kin, fur and skin.
His favorite t-shirt says: " Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?"
He's a past president of the Young Neuters Club.
Sparky had a blog for a while, but decided to go back to barking out the window.
Sparky likes to play poker, but every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail.
He says, "My goal in life is to... Oh, heck, who am I kidding?!!"
I'm trying botox next.
Q: What's the difference between dogs and fleas?
Talk To The Paw
A: Dogs can have fleas but fleas can't have dogs.
Q: Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?
A: Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
Q: Where do dogs go when they lose their tails?
A: To the retail store.
Q. Why is a dog's nose in the middle of its face?
A: Because it's the scenter!
Q: Why don't dogs make good dancers?
A: Because they have two left feet.
I'm so happy I could pee.
"I've lost my dog!"
Shaggy Dog Story
"Why don't you put an advertisement in the paper?"
"Don't be silly, he can't read!
Two women are arguing whose dog is smarter:
First woman : My dog is so smart. Every morning he waits for a paper boy to come around and then he takes a newspaper and brings it to me.
Second woman : I know.
First one : How?
Second one : My dog told me.
Just call me Happy.
Dog Talk and Backtalk
If Sparky could talk, here's what he would say.
- Hey, how about YOU go and fetch the ball
- When you leave me alone during the day, are you seeing somebody else?
- Hey, it's me, your Uncle Bob. This reincarnation thing is great!
- To dig or not to dig, that is the question.
- I don't understand you. I only speak dog.
- Eeuw... you think my breath is bad!
- So if I'm man's best friend, why do you treat me like a dog?
- Is it Take Your Dog To Work Day yet?
- Why is everybody staring at me?
- Don't look at me; I didn't do it.
- I'll scratch yours, if you scratch mine.
- Does this collar make me look fat?
- From my perspective you all look dumb.
- (Farting) Oh, I'm so embarrassed. Canned food always gives me gas.
- Hey, does this coat make me look fat?
- I'm a lover, not a biter.
- Of course my breath stinks, look what I've been licking.
- Baby, you're so sweet. If I bit you I'd get a cavity.
- Gotta poop, gotta poop. Gotta poop right now! (Farting) Oh there it goes.
- Tricks! You wanna see tricks? Get yourself a hooker!
- Woof, woof, I don't think we've been formally introduced. Would you like to smell me?
- If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, why don't you suggest that he wear a tail.
Oh, who am I kidding?
Off the Leash
In olden days, houses had thatched roofs made with thick straw, piled high and no wood underneath.
It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals, like mice and bugs, lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."
Sparky says: If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want.
Sparky says: Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by piddling on their shoes.
Sparky says: If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.
I'm a princess.
A woman from the deepest, most southern part of the country goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word.
She pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then, let it read, 'Billy Bob died."
Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor says, "Sorry ma'am, there is a 7 word minimum on all obituaries."
Only a little flustered, she thinks things over and in a few seconds says... "In that case, let it read,
BILLY BOB DIED - BLUETICK HOUND FOR SALE."
Dem Dogs Can Hunt
Two engineers wanted to go duck hunting. They got a license and bought a good dog. Opening day they were in the blind for about 4 hours.
The first hunter complained, "After spending all of this money on the license and dog, we haven't got even one duck."
The second hunter replied, "I TOLD YOU, YOU AIN'T THROWING THE DOG HIGH ENOUGH."
How do you spell doggerel?
After hearing a shot, Hank ran next door and found his friend Tony crying.
"Say, what's wrong?" Hank asked.
Tony sobbed, "I had to shoot my dog."
Hank said, "My God! Was he mad?"
Tony replied, "Well, he wasn't exactly overjoyed."
Two dogs are taking a stroll down the sidewalk. One stops suddenly and looks at the other one.
He then turns to look at a parking meter and exclaims, "How do you like that?? Gotta pay to pee!"
"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."
– Will Rogers
"Animals are such agreeable friends – they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms."
– George Eliot
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
"A dog teaches a kid fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down."
– Robert Benchley
"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies."
– Gene Hill
"Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend; inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
– Groucho Marx
No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
– Fran Lebowitz