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From The Outrageous Funny Story Files...
The Best Funny Short Stories
The Know-It-All Computer
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe said to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replied "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a doctor."
So, Joe put a urine sample in a small jar and took it to Wal-Mart. He deposited ten dollars, and the computer lit up and asked for the urine sample. He poured the sample into the slot and waited.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejected a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart."
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.
Joe hurried back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposited ten dollars, poured in his concoction, and awaited the results.
The computer printed the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!
Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart
Great to see you here.
I hope life brings you much success.
I wish you a very happy day.
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