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From The Outrageous Funny Story Files...
The Best Funny Short Stories
The Doggie Diet
Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Dog Chow for Socks the wonder
dog and was about to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant?
I'm retired now, with some spare time on my hands. So, on impulse, I told her that no, I
didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Doggie Diet again. Although
I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but
that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with
tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially the perfect diet and that the way that it
works is to load your pants pockets with Dog Chow nuggets and simply eat one
or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally
complete so I was going to try the diet again.
(I have to mention here that
practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food
poisoned me.
I told her no. I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's
ass and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was
laughing so hard!
The manager won't let me shop there anymore....
Great to see you here.
I hope life brings you much success.
I wish you a very happy day.
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