From The Best Funny Short Story Files...
Funny Story About Taxes ~ The Tax Audit
The IRS decides to audit Jim, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Jim shows up with his attorney.
The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Jim. "How about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
Jim says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet." Jim removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor's jaw drops.
Jim says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."
The auditor can tell Jim isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Jim removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Jim's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Jim asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand
on one side of your desk, and spit into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this
guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Jim stands beside the desk but although he strains mightily, he can't make the spit reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much gets it all over the desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Jim's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.
"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Jim told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and spit all over an IRS official's desk and that you'd be happy about it."
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I wish you a very happy day.
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