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From The Outrageous Funny Story Files...
The Best Funny Short Stories
Three Turtles
Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. So,
Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches.
The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take
10 whole days to get there. By the time they do arrive, everyone's
whipped.
Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He takes
out the sodas and says, "Alright, Steve, gimme the bottle opener."
"I didn't bring the bottle opener," Steve says. "I thought you packed
it."
Joe gets worried. He turns to Poncho. "Poncho, do you have the bottle
opener?"
Naturally, Poncho doesn't have it, so the turtles are stuck ten miles
away from home without soda.
Joe and Steve beg Poncho to turn back home and retrieve it, but Poncho
flatly refuses, knowing that they'll eat everything by the time he gets
back. Somehow, after about two hours, the turtles manage to convince
Poncho to go back home, swearing on their great-grand turtles' graves that they
won't touch the food.
So, Poncho sets off down the road, slow and steadily. Twenty days
pass, but no Poncho. Joe and Steve are hungry and puzzled, but a
promise is a promise. Another day passes, and still no Poncho, but a
promise is a promise. After three more days pass without Poncho in
sight, Steve starts getting restless.
"I NEED FOOD!" he says with a hint of dementia in his voice.
"NO!" Joe retorts. "We promised." Five more days pass. Joe realizes
that Poncho probably skipped out to the Burger King down the road, so
the two turtles weakly lift the lid, get a sandwich, and open their
mouths to eat.
But then, right at that instant, Poncho pops out behind a
rock, and says, "Just for that, I'm not going."
Great to see you here.
I hope life brings you much success.
I wish you a very happy day.
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