FUNNY BOOKS FOR CHILDREN
Book Titles Are Funny Stuff. Duh!
Here is a list of kid's books that the publishers rejected. We rescued them from the slush pile at the office of Simon and Shooters.
Tongue Twister, say it fast five times!!
- You Are Different and That's Bad
- The Boy Who Died From Eating All His
- Dad's New Wife Robert
- Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share,
by Helen Back
- Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An
- The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
- Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
- Curious George and the High-Voltage
- All Cats Go to Hell
- The Little Sissy Who Snitched
- Some Kittens Can Fly
- That's It, I'm Putting You Up for
- Grandpa Gets a Casket
- The Magic World Inside the Abandoned
- Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
- The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
- Strangers Have the Best Candy
- Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your
- You Were an Accident
- Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
- Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great
- The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
- Your Nightmares Are Real
- Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
- Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
- Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical
Outlet Be Friends?
- Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat
- Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
- What Briuses Do When You Poke Them With Your Finger
- That Ends the Funny Books for Children.
Titles that will absolutely never get published.
I slit the sheets, the sheets I slit,
and on the slitted sheets I sit.
The cop said, "Good evening sir.
You were going 60 in a 50 mph zone."
The guy said, "No, I wasn't"
The wife turned to him and said, "Yes, dear you were."
The man said, "Why don't you shut up?"
Then the cop said,
"You also didn't have your seatbelt on, sir."
Naturally the man said, "Sure I had it on."
Again the woman said, "No, honey, you didn't."
The man turned around and said angrily to the woman, "I told you to shut up!"
Then the cop bent down and said to the woman,
"Excuse me ma'am, but is this your husband?"
The woman said, "Yes, he is."
"Is he always this mean and rude with you?"
The woman said, "No, officer, only when he's DRUNK!"
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing
and you mean your mother.
I finally got my head together
and my body fell apart.
Sometimes I think I understand everything.
Then I regain consciousness.
Seen it all, done it all,
can't remember most of it.
What's the difference
between ignorance and apathy?
I don't know and I don't care.
I wish you much success in life. I hope you have a very happy day.