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FUNNY BOOKS FOR CHILDREN
Book Titles Are Funny Stuff. Duh!


Here is a list of kid's books that the publishers rejected. We rescued them from the slush pile at the office of Simon and Shooters.

  1. You Are Different and That's Bad

  2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables

  3. Dad's New Wife Robert

  4. Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share, by Helen Back

  5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book

  6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking

  7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her

  8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence

  9. All Cats Go to Hell

  10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched

  11. Some Kittens Can Fly

  12. That's It, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption

  13. Grandpa Gets a Casket

  14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator

  15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia

  16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy

  17. Strangers Have the Best Candy

  18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way

  19. You Were an Accident

  20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will

  21. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games

  22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan

  23. Your Nightmares Are Real

  24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?

  25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School

  26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?

  27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things

  28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

  29. What Briuses Do When You Poke Them With Your Finger

  30. That Ends the Funny Books for Children.
    Titles that will absolutely never get published.
Tongue Twister, say it fast five times!!
I slit the sheets, the sheets I slit,
and on the slitted sheets I sit.



The cop said, "Good evening sir.
You were going 60 in a 50 mph zone."

The guy said, "No, I wasn't"

The wife turned to him and said, "Yes, dear you were."

The man said, "Why don't you shut up?"

Then the cop said,
"You also didn't have your seatbelt on, sir."

Naturally the man said, "Sure I had it on."

Again the woman said, "No, honey, you didn't."

The man turned around and said angrily to the woman, "I told you to shut up!"

Then the cop bent down and said to the woman,
"Excuse me ma'am, but is this your husband?"

The woman said, "Yes, he is."

"Is he always this mean and rude with you?"

The woman said, "No, officer, only when he's DRUNK!"



A Freudian slip is when you say one thing
and you mean your mother.

I finally got my head together
and my body fell apart.

Sometimes I think I understand everything.
Then I regain consciousness.

Seen it all, done it all,
can't remember most of it.

What's the difference
between ignorance and apathy?
I don't know and I don't care.



 
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