FUNNY BOOKS FOR CHILDREN
Book Titles Are Funny Stuff. Duh!

Here is a list of kid's books that the publishers rejected. We rescued them from the slush pile at the office of Simon and Shooters.

1. You Are Different and That's Bad
   
   
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
   
   
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
   
   
4. Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share, by Helen Back
   
   
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
   
   
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
   
   
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
   
   
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
   
   
9. All Cats Go to Hell
   
   
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
    
    
11. Some Kittens Can Fly
    
    
12. That's It, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
    
    
13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
    
    
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
    
    
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
    
    
16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
    
    
17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
    
    
18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
    
    
19. You Were an Accident
    
    
20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
    
    
21. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
    
    
22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
    
    
23. Your Nightmares Are Real
    
    
24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
    
    
25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
    
    
26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
    
    
27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
    
    
28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
    
    
29. What Briuses Do When You Poke Them With Your Finger
    
    
30. That Ends the Funny Books for Children.
    Titles that will absolutely never get published.

Tongue Twister, say it fast five times!!
I slit the sheets, the sheets I slit,
and on the slitted sheets I sit.

---

The cop said, "Good evening sir.
You were going 60 in a 50 mph zone."

The guy said, "No, I wasn't"

The wife turned to him and said, "Yes, dear you were."

The man said, "Why don't you shut up?"

Then the cop said,
"You also didn't have your seatbelt on, sir."

Naturally the man said, "Sure I had it on."

Again the woman said, "No, honey, you didn't."

The man turned around and said angrily to the woman, "I told you to shut up!"

Then the cop bent down and said to the woman,
"Excuse me ma'am, but is this your husband?"

The woman said, "Yes, he is."

"Is he always this mean and rude with you?"

The woman said, "No, officer, only when he's DRUNK!"



A Freudian slip is when you say one thing
and you mean your mother.

I finally got my head together
and my body fell apart.

Sometimes I think I understand everything.
Then I regain consciousness.

Seen it all, done it all,
can't remember most of it.

What's the difference
between ignorance and apathy?
I don't know and I don't care.

---

 
I wish you much success in life. I hope you have a very happy day.

>> Please return to the top.