Short Funny Jokes... I Love Funny Jokes
Lawyers, Doctors, Blondes and Funny Business

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.
Rod Stewart said that.

She was Sooo Blonde...
She tripped over a cordless phone.

A true friend is someone who thinks you are a good egg
even though they know you are slightly cracked.

Things kids taught me...
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

I'm sick of specialists. There are ear doctors, nose doctors, throat doctors, any place you've got a hole, there's a guy who specializes in your hole. They make an entire career out of that hole. And if the ear doctor, nose doctor, gynecologist can't help you, he sends you to a surgeon. Why? So he can make a new hole!

Why does it take five Irishmen to change a lightbulb?
One to change the bulb.
And four to remark about how grand the old bulb was.

"Nora: Hey Patrick, do I hear you spitting in the vase on the mantelpiece ?"
"Patrick: No, Nora, but I'm getting closer all the time !"

Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:
"Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"

I got the bill for my surgery.
Now I know why those doctors were wearing masks.

How to tell you have a BAD Lawyer:
He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser."

During the New York doctor's strike of 1975,
the death rate fell by more than fifteen percent.

Teacher: "A fool can ask more questions
than a wise man can answer."
Student: "No wonder so many of us flunk our exams."

Peggy: You think so much of your old golf game.
You probably don't even remember when we were married.
Lowell: Of course I do, my dear. It was the day I sank that thirty-foot putt.

My doctor's on the Golf Diet. He lives on greens.

Ever wonder why is it that doctors call what they do "practice?"

The world's oldest recorded joke has been traced back to 1900 BC and suggests that toilet humor was as popular with the ancients as it is today.

Doctor: I'm concerned about your heart murmur.
Patient: I've always had a heart murmur.
Doctor: I know that, but it's started humming.
Patient, alarmed: What's it humming?
Doctor: Nearer my God to thee!

You know your health plan is on the cheap if the exam room has a tip jar.    

May life bring you much success.
I hope you have a very happy day.

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